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But expat life is different. Expat life is cultural immersion on steroids. It’s selling and/or packing all of your belongings and not looking back. It's bidding adieu to family and friends and hoping that they'll come for a visit. And while living abroad doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to be, leaving your comfort zone and fully immersing is about making a commitment and taking chances. It’s brave. It’s bold. And it’s beautiful.
This week, I’m pleased to introduce you to three Black women expats living in Barbados, Bordeaux and Bogota who are brave, bold and beautiful. Three women who are living on their own terms with no apologies. Three women who went for it. Three women proud to share their unique perspectives on expat life...right here on BlackAtlas.
BARBADOS: Joia Starks
STATS: Joia is an African-American Jersey Girl from Cherry Hill, New Jersey whose parents hail from Alabama. Single with no children, Joia has lived in Barbados since September 2011 and will be there until September 2013. She has also lived in Mexico, France, and South Korea, and works as a Diplomat for the U.S. Department of State.
Blog: NA
1. What made you decide to leave your home to become an expat: When I initially left home in 2007 to move to South Korea, I didn't intend to become a permanent expat. I wanted to live abroad for one year, try something totally new, and regain some self-confidence.
I became a diplomat through two very special ladies that I met along the way, one who was already a diplomat in Korea and one who was on track to become one back in DC. They both provided helpful guidance to me, explained their paths, and encouraged me to do the same. Before leaving Korea, I decided to pursue International Relations in grad school and set about reacclimatizing to the academic setting. I studied a lot on my own, took my GRE, visited schools, and applied for different funding. I eventually received the Rangel Fellowship, which allowed me to attend a top-ranked grad school and to join the diplomatic corps. What attracted me to South Korea all those years ago, and what attracts me to the State Department now, is the challenge and excitement of this lifestyle. I enjoy more than just traveling to places - I like to live them. It is a daily affirmation that I am alive and engaged.
2. What you love about being an expat: More than anything, I love the opportunity to stretch my mental limits, whether learning a language or trying new food. And I love meeting people from all over and hearing their stories.
3. What you don't love about being an expat: Feelings of loneliness can be magnified in unfamiliar locations. I also hate feeling like I am missing out on what is happening back at home.
4. Advice for women considering the expat life: Do your research before you go. Buy books, ask friends, reach out to whomever you can to find more information about the country you've chosen. Read about the culture, customs, food, and local life. Not only does this prepare you in some way for what to expect, but it gets you excited about all that lies ahead.
Find online communities and connect. There is virtually no stone unturned in the online world and, more than likely, you'll be able to find someone blogging about it. Your experience will be uniquely yours, but it helps to find those who have treaded before you for advice and pearls of wisdom. As a caveat, some people rant online at their most frustrated moments, when they hate everything about a particular place. Be sure to temper their venom with a dose of reality.
Set goals, large and small. I kept a ratty little piece of paper with my top reasons for wanting to move to Korea that said: "Study Korean. Challenge yourself. Make new friends. Become comfortable living alone. Explore and try new foods. Travel around Asia." Those were my big goals. Once I landed in Korea, I set smaller daily goals like going to the grocery store without getting frustrated, remaining calm with often-abrasive elderly people, signing up for a gym, finding a tennis partner, etc. These all helped to build my confidence and, the more goals I accomplished, the better and stronger I felt.
Be honest with yourself. Be honest about your reasons for uprooting your life and moving abroad. If you are running away from troubles back home, they will find you overseas. Do not fall prey to the fallacy that living abroad will in some way be easier than your life back home - it will not. In fact, your life will be infinitely more challenging, especially the first 4-6 months. Just be sure you're making the move to gain something, not just to shed baggage.
Go with the flow. You will get many bumps and bruises to your ego living in new places. Cultural misunderstandings abound. Some days you will yearn for your old life, other days you may feel euphoric with your new one. It does not mean you are bipolar - it means your mind is stretching and absorbing everything. It can be uncomfortable, so it is important to keep perspective of your goals, stay connected with loved ones back home, and lean on new friends you have met to get through rough patches. The ultimate goal, at least for me, was growth. Your attitude and approach to moving overseas will matter more than where you go, so go with the flow.
5. How often your friends visit and how often you get back to the US: I've had several friends visit me in Barbados. In South Korea, my brother and best friend came to visit, too. I try to go home at least once a year, usually for holidays.
FRANCE: Shirley Monestier
STATS: Shirley is an African-American woman that hails from Washington D.C. and has lived in France for 20 years. She currently resides in Bordeaux where she has lived for 7 years and she previously lived in Paris. Shirley is married, is an artist, and - besides Washington D.C. - has lived in Baltimore, MD; Los Angeles, CA and Antigua, West Indies.
Website: Shirley Monestier
1. What made you decide to leave your home to become an expat: I met my husband while on vacation in Paris. After a year of corresponding, he convinced me to come to France.
2. What you love about being an expat: As an American living abroad, I am often [considered] exotic. People constantly seek me out to learn more about American culture. Living in a diverse culture and meeting other nationalities is a privilege.
3. What you don't love about being an expat: After living in France for more than 20 years, I still miss my family, friends and the 24-hour restaurants, shopping, etc. I don't love the set times for meals and the inability to have food or drink whenever and whatever time you want. It has been a challenge to immerse myself into another culture while still maintaining my own American culture and identity.
4. Advice for women considering the expat life: When my husband tried to convince me to come to France to live, his motivating words were, Take the risk - if you don’t like France, you can always return to the US. Since I have always been a risk taker, I took the risk and am living in France 20 years later. Do your homework. Get as much information as you can on the country and culture. Look up expat organizations and associations and network. Try to establish contacts before moving since a contact can help you get established. Do not take the tourist route; it is very different than integrating into the culture.
5. How often your friends visit and how often you get back to the US: I am fortunate to see my friends often. Most of my friends are travelers. They not only visit me in France (usually in the summer) but we meet also in Mexico for a few weeks every December. There are about eight of us who see each other twice a year with our husbands. We are all close and enjoy each other's company. We call ourselves The Roving Band of Wanderlusts. I also visit my family in the U.S once a year.
COLOMBIA: Adria Armbrister
STATS: Adria is an African-American woman with Afro-Caribbean parents and hails from Mount Vernon, New York. Single with no children except for her two cats, Adria lives in Bogota, Colombia (South America) where she has lived for 15 months and where she will be for at least four years. While she has never lived in another country besides the US, she has visited many countries in Latin America through her job where she designs and executes projects solicited by Latin American and Caribbean countries to improve gender and social equality at a multilateral development bank.
Blog: NA
1. What made you decide to leave your home to become an expat: I am 35 and I was looking for quicker career advancement. Being here in the region allows me to have more responsibility, so I knew that's where I had to be. I am already up for my first promotion. The difficult part has been finishing my dissertation from a distance, but it's getting done. I wouldn't do this any other way. Colombia is the best.
2. What you love about being an expat: I love that being here gives me perspective about so many things I took for granted in the US. My expectations are lower and this is not a bad thing. It means that I am less stressed when things don't go perfectly and get to feel genuine elation when they do go right.
3. What you don't love about being an expat: I miss dessert! I am a vegan and there are no vegan bakeries here. My homemade brownies aren't as good.
4. Advice for women considering the expat life: Leave your expectations at home - things may work differently in your new country and you need to be open to find out how things work. Ask how much large items cost BEFORE you buy or ask a local friend to buy for you. A well-placed lie is priceless. As an expat you may live in a neighborhood that is considered rich(er) even though you may live in the smallest apartment in the neighborhood. Find out where the most decent normal neighborhood is nearby and say you live there when asked [by a stranger] at a bar or at the club. Use an international bank. Although local banks are probably fine, it is easier to access money from international banks (like Citi or HSBC or ING) when traveling or if you need money from your US account in an emergency. Men can be gold diggers. When you fall in love, bring you brain, not your wallet or your passport.
5. How often your friends visit and how often you get back to the US: I get home at least two times per year, usually for a work-related meeting and again for Christmas. My mom so far has visited once per year and I have work friends come through who are here for work at least 4 or 5 times a year. Other friends have yet to visit. Tears...
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PART I: Jo in China, Lola in Sweden, Dori in England, Nicole in South Korea – 5/1/12
PART II: Carolyn in Switzerland, Davette in Barbados, Tatiana in Germany and Lily the serial expat – 5/14/12
PART III: Maureen in France, Sheryll in South Korea, Adrienne in Sweden, Arielle in Brazil – 5/21/12
PART IV: April in Jamaica, Nicole in Germany, Monique in The Netherlands, Oneika in London – 5/28/12
PART V: Natasha in Abu Dhabi, Margaret in Peru, Diana in Indonesia – 6/4/12
PART VI: Heather in Chile, Monique in Paris, Rachelle in Japan – 6/11/12
PART VIII: Carolyn in The Netherlands, Terra in Brussels, Robin in Denmark – 7/16/12
PART IX: Are you an expat? Know an expat? Email Tracey@OneBrownGirl.com and join in on the celebration as Black women expatriates blow off stereotypes and #TravelByExample.
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*NEW!* on BlackAtlas >>> OBG's Celebrity Passport Chronicles!
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